Mar 13 2013

And Now I Can Never Get My Boys Back

English: The lost boys Photo of the lost boys ...

English: The lost boys Photo of the lost boys who are buried near their home (Church Farm) 1503486 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Where are they now??? 

I was smart enough to see that the foster family my boys were living with were not only people who were at least financially waaaay better off than I was at the time, but to also see that they seemed extremely happy in their home. My boys seemed to be thriving in a way I had never seen before. So when I finally did make the decision I did, I thought I was doing what would ultimately be best for them. Before I signed anything, and again at my last visit, I begged Jay and Judy Rowles to be the ones to adopt them. I didn’t want to end up making my final decision without knowing that the chances of them doing it were high. I didn’t want to leave much room for the risk that my boys would end up in some strangers’ house in which abuse or any other horrible thing would be considered a norm. 

I got very lucky that the possibility became a reality. In 2008, I very nervously contacted Judy Rowles. I was scared to death that they hadn’t adopted the boys, and even more afraid that my call to her would end up being considered against the law. She was very nice during that call. She told me they were doing great all around and that yes, it would be okay if I called from time to time to ask about them. She even promised to send me pictures of them as they were growing up.

I really must be a glutton for punishment.

I actually believed her. I even sent cards with money in it for a little while. At first, I even called about once a month to see how they were.  I have not received one picture. Ever. I have asked her to mail them. I have asked her to email them. I even asked her to just send me one through a picture message on her phone. She always promised she would, but never sent any. I have some that are semi-current, but I had to FaceBook stalk their adoptive family and all of their friends to find any.

That really hurt/hurts but then a few months after I found out I was pregnant with Fiona, I  had to call Social Security (I’m on disability now for physical and mental disabilities) to change my address and found out that the Rowles had changed their names! I had fully expected them to change their last names, but never in a million years did I expect them to change their first names. It seriously wasn’t even the name changing that bothered me, though. It was that I had been talking to their adoptive mother for two years, and she had never even thought to mention it to me. You know how you always hear people say that omitting facts is still lying? Well, I think those were some pretty big facts for her to not disclose. I still feel so utterly betrayed.

Granted, I guess I should have realized that she really didn’t want to talk to me. She gave me two pretty good hints: When I would call to ask her how they were doing, she would only say that they were “fine.” Judy would never give me any real details. The other hint was that I kept begging for pics and she kept promising she’d send them, but always broke her promises. So why would I ever think she would tell me the truth about anything?

It’s not like I have ever in any way asked her to let me have a relationship with them. And I’ve never remotely hinted that I would kidnap them or try to approach them. I’m not in their town stalking them. So why is this woman acting this way? Why is she treating me like I’m a crackhead whore who sold her kids for drugs? Why is she treating me like I was abusive? I was the one who was done wrong!!!!! I didn’t deserve to have my children taken from me, and I am the one who gave them to her in what I thought was a selfless act. Why is this woman doing me just as wrong as DCS did?

A Glimmer of Hope?

I recently, and it was totally by accident, found their older adoptive brother’s YouTube page. I sent him a message that basically explained who I was. I told him that I did not expect him to respond to me, but that I was about to start uploading videos of Fiona to my channel and was hoping that he would find a way to show them to my boys so they could see their sister. In addition, I also asked him to possibly upload videos that at least caught glimpses of my boys from time to time. He has not responded, and I’m okay with that because I told him I didn’t expect one, but he hasn’t uploaded any videos, either. I’ve already uploaded between 12 and 15 of Fi, though. I guess I can say that I still have one glimmer of hope…..he hasn’t blocked me from his channel, so maybe I still have a chance?


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3 responses so far

3 Responses to “And Now I Can Never Get My Boys Back”

  1.   Jan Herrington Spillmanon 14 Mar 2013 at 11:27 pm

    I was in a very similar situation. I just recenly began to post about what happened to our little family, and it’s a very long story. After spending about 5 hours typing I posted “Missing Christy.” It was after that I showed my husband, when I was going to do some editing. Instead, at his urging, I deleted the post and don’t know how to retrieve it.
    I’m not sure what to say, except that you were tricked, as so many are, and like I was the first time around. The first time around, I lost two of my three children. I was allowed to keep custody of my second born, son, who was later diagnosed with ADHD. He was 9 and my oldest was eleven. They took her and her 16 month old baby brother. I was crushed. The worst part was nearly 10 years later they came for my last child, my little girl. They used the fact that I was poor, and I have mental health issues as the reasons I was not fit to mother my little girl. But remember, my son was NEVER taken from me because he was never of any interest to cps or whoever they want to call themselves. He wasn’t adoptable so they all weren’t going to get their bonuses so I got to keep him! He just had to be separated from his older sister and younger brother, only to have a new baby sister 5 years later only to have her taken away for good when she was 4&1/2 yrs old. On top of that he only got one supervised visit with her in November, 2008 and has not seen his sister since. Even though he had been with me the entire day, the child protection workers told me the day after the visit, that they thought he was under the influence of drugs and that he could not see his sister again until he brought them a graduation certificate from an inpatient drug rehabilitation center. That did not happen. He hasn’t seen his sister since. The entire story is so sad and I know you grieve also, but thank God for the child you have. I can’t have any more. They made sure to take my last baby.

    •   Christina Smithon 14 Mar 2013 at 11:45 pm

      Oh my gosh that’s horrible! I am so sorry! DCS showed up at my house right after Christmas to do a “welfare check” on Fiona. I feel like I’m never going to get away from them.

    •   Christina Smithon 14 Mar 2013 at 11:46 pm

      Oh, and Jan, I started a support group on FaceBook for those of us who have had to go through this. If you’re interested in joining, let me know and I’ll make sure to invite you.