Written by Father’s Day is this Sunday. We know that Mother’s Day is really rough for those with children living in foster homes. Let’s not forget that Father’s grief the loss of their children too. Please join me in praying that this father finds answers and is reunified with his child.
I am a good father of 6-year-old twins (a boy & a girl) and stepfather of an 8-year-old girl. I want to withdraw my consent to services and even my submission in our juvenile dependency case. Between the kids mother and myself we were both coerced, threatened, and tricked into assigning our signatures to consent forms, submissions and services. Our six month review hearing approaches.
I am convinced that fraud, deceit, lies, deception, and unfair law practices are at work and I know that I am be led to slaughter by the system. How do I withdraw? I know I wont participate any longer, knowing that service is submission. What steps can I take on August 6th, to insist that the courts return my parental rights?
M.D.,
Father-at-large
State. Of california
I am a father who has been through this and my heart goes out to you. My fight lasted over two years before my two daughters were finally returned to me.
I know how offensive it can be to be told you have to submit to services that in all reality you probably don’t need. I also know how difficult it can be to juggle half a dozen or more services and manage your work schedule and private life as well. It is daunting from where you stand now and I can hardly believe I managed it when I look back at my ordeal.
I have to tell you that I understand your desire to struggle against this maniacal system but I need to advise against it. I know you probably don’t want to hear it right now but working services is your best hope for reunification.
I imagine you must be hurt by cps’s involvement in your family’s life. It is insulting having these people accuse you of being inadequate to be a parent when all you want is to care for your children. It is invasive of them to put you through psychological and physical evaluations. It is presumptuous of them to insinuate that you may need therapy, rehabilitation, parenting classes, etc. It hurts to have your character called into question I know…believe me, I know.
At this point you are just getting started in your case and the initial shock hasn’t worn off yet. The anger is still palpable but you must not lose sight of the problem. You need to get the judge in your case to order cps to send your kids home to you. THAT’S THE BOTTOM LINE.
Working your service plan doesn’t mean you need help being a good father and it doesn’t mean you agree with CPS. It establishes that you are willing to do whatever it takes to answer whatever questions cps has raised about you. TRUST ME THE JUDGE KNOWS HOW CPS WORKS. The judge will understand that cps has more smoke than fire but the judge needs to see you take it in stride and work the plan.
If I could offer three solid pieces of advice to anyone dealing with cps it would be:
1. WORK YOUR SERVICE PLAN. Work it how ever cps proposes it and don’t make a fuss about all the hoops you have to jump through. Work the service plan diligently, take it seriously and document everything you do, hear and say. The faster you work the plan the more the judge sees what’s important to you and if you take your services seriously it will show in the reports. I just want to mention that if it’s taking a long time for CPS to get any of your services started YOU NEED TO KEEP PESTERING THEM. Call every day if you have to and don’t let up. They will prolong your case with delays in services and the judge won’t care to hear about the delays.
2. DO NOT BE DEFENSIVE. This is soooo crucial when working your service plan. They look for defensiveness and document it in every component of your service plan. I can’t stress this enough! Your attitude should always be that you just want to put any questions to rest and make any improvements that will benefit your family. CPS and the court will view defensiveness as an unwillingness to accept your role in your case. CPS will dwell on it in court and insist you are resisting accountability. CPS WILL NEVER ACCEPT OR ADMIT THAT YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG AND THAT THEY HAVE MADE A MISTAKE and the judge isn’t going to just suddenly say it for them.
3. ACCEPT YOUR ROLE IN YOUR CASE. CPS is involved in your life and they got there somehow. Repeat this to yourself daily…keep reminding yourself of this. In almost every case one or both of the parents played some role in it whether we understand it or not. Accept it, admit it and figure out what it was and you will be on your way to getting your kids back. This was the hardest thing for me to do. Even if you genuinely had nothing to do with CPS getting into your life they are in it now and they have questions you need to answer and the best way to do it is to work the plan and let the reports speak for you. I mean no offense here. I’m just being realistic.
I should also say that you need to establish a good support structure for yourself. You are going through more suffering now than most people could ever comprehend. Find someone you trust that you can talk to. Keep believing in yourself and your family. Don’t let all your powerful emotions lead your behaviors in a negative way. If you believe in god, pray. My prayers are with you and all who are involved in this with you.
we adopted two girls eight years ago . one of the girls lied on me and her dad so she could live wild . i was strict enough to not let them date til they were sixteen and such. so the wild one had dhs come to our house and said my husband raped her and i beat her on a regular basis involving slaping and choking we never did any of this. but we couldnt afford a real lawyer so they appointed us one they took both girls but returned one after two months of horror for all of us but casey was happy sneaking around the investigation consist of the state police woman questioned both the girls and thats it .i am so upset about how weve been treated by everyone i dont know what to do i cant afford a lawyer to fight my husband has recently had a heart attack at 46 years of age to which this all contributed to the dhs made the chose to give her back to the person they took her from in the first place and now this fifteen year old girl is living with a teenage boy and his mother who i dont even know. what ios wrong with this world i dont understand. i do know i tell people i would never adopt a child again it comes with too much pain. but i will not do what the dhs says to do because we didnt do anything wrong . i would like to put casey in a better place andsue the state of arkansas for not doing their job and investagating this and for allowing our rights as parents to decide for our own selfs the chooses for our own children. these people have ruined our lives