In June of 2004, after completing all the things required of me in six months or less, we went to court for a reunification status hearing. I was fully expecting to receive my boys back, as I had done what was asked and more. However, from January to June I discovered what the “family friend” had done and had experienced extreme resistance from the people I thought I could trust. As mentioned previously, in order to keep my boys out of a stranger’s home, I negotiated that my two oldest (at the time 2 1/2 and almost 4) stay with the “family friend” and my youngest continue staying with his dad of which he was visiting when the custody issue came up. His dad lives at home with his mother as well, or did at this time.  So, as time continued leading up to the hearing I learned that the family friend made those false allegations and pushed the issues with DFCS.  Well, when we go back to court in June the “friend” and the paternal grandmother that have temporary custody have hired attorney’s and are fighting me!! That was not the way it was supposed to happen, and it confused the hell out of me. I was young, and I was still trying to understand how people could be that cruel. It was highly emotional. When we presented my case and that I had completed my plan as instructed, the opposing attorney (they hired the same one!) argued that I must have lied to the psychologist and the judge actually AGREED! The psychologist was there to testify and denied that there was any evidence of lying and there were tests to determine honesty for which I thoroughly passed. They decided he was not qualified enough, even though he had the degree, and ordered that I take a second evaluation by a doctor of their choice. The doctor they chose was well known for working with the caseworkers and condemning parents easily, so I was terrified now. I still followed through and set up my appointment, after working my tail off for another month to earn an additional $1700 to pay this one (just paid $750 for the first one who offered a discount for lower income people). It took several months for the process to be complete this time, and the testings were admittedly even more involved and complicated that the first evaluation. In the end, the results were still the same. I was rated as having above average intelligence and above average PARENTING SKILLS! I scored high on naivety, which by that point was obvious that I trusted to easily. His only recommendation, which he stated was not “highly recommended” was to attend outpatient counseling over the situation I was dealing with to handle the temper rising from it. He said he did not think that would be solved until the situation was resolved though, and he also said he saw no reason why my boys could not be returned to my care immediately!

In between June and the time the report was finalized, there was another hearing for which my attorney failed to notify me about that resulted in my meager visitation being suspended! My attorney quickly went to the judge and told her it was his error, not mine, but I was still not able to see my children for a solid three months. It was now November of 2004, nearly a year since this all started and only one hour supervised at a local church for visitation, of which three months were interrupted. My boys had become shells of the little happy boys they once were when we were together. They cried, they were angry often, and my oldest was now being medicated for ADHD at the age of FOUR. No testing was done, only the recommendation of the current daycare manager and the “family friend” because his behavior was “unacceptable”. No one took into account the fact that they were ripped away from me with no notice and no counseling to help them. Eventually that year the family friend also had my middle son, the now 3 year old, moved to his father whom he didn’t even know. We were once engaged but he ran away when I was four months pregnant and very little to nothing was heard of him until 2004. So, now my boys were not only without me, but without each other as well.

Back to November, I received papers from the Marshall stating that I was being served for permanent custody on my children by the people who had temporary custody. Three separate filings, all at once, and during my trial at Juvenile court. I was done, it was supposed to be over, but now this has happened is all I can think. I was sure that I could still get custody back when we went back to court for the final hearing this month (November) but soon found out the rules of jurisdiction. The judge that condemned me all year suddenly seemed sympathetic when she stated that she no longer had jurisdiction and the fact that I had nothing else left to prove didn’t matter anymore. My shitty, court-appointed attorney couldn’t even help me in Superior Court! However, I was just assigned a new one anyways and she graciously offered to help me pro bono! I was very thankful, but still very scared. Now we were starting a new game, one which I will fight for a solid four years (current date) and still no end.

As a recap of the first year that started with “DFCS” and a vindictive “family friend”, my children were removed from my custody abruptly for reasons later stated to be financial instability and mental instability without and back up explanations. The children were not in imminent danger, nor were there any open cases or case plans in progress when it happened. I learned much later that this was not ethical procedure and was against my rights. That is not common knowledge though, and that is unfortunate.

I went to court, begged to have my children stay with someone they knew, and this was allowed. It turns out that too was unusual practice and was not handled properly either. There were no investigations of either party that would gain temporary custody, and there was no assistance with my case plan financially like most people. My court appointed attorney brushed me off on his assistant that was still awaiting the results of his recent bar exam, and he was utterly useless. The CASA workers involved soon became advocates for the return of my children, but were blatantly ignored. I completed my case plan in the first six months, while the case was still under Juvenile court jurisdiction, but it was not good enough. When I finally met the Juvenile Judge’s expectations, that were unreasonably high and lengthy, it was too late. There was so much wrong with the way the state handled my case that it has to be corrected, and processes must be put in place to stop it from continuing. I will continue my blogs, as my case is not yet over and continues to twist and turn. My oldest is back in the hands of DFCS again, but this time because he was removed from the “family friend’s” custody for abuse, medical neglect, financial and mental instability!! How about that??? They actually gave her a fair fighting chance too, including giving multiple examples of all the allegations and why they are true. They are still giving her assistance and every hand available, even though they openly dislike her now. I am being considered as his new permanent custodian, naturally, but even though I proved myself years ago and am in an even better position, they still poke holes and request more and more steps to be completed. He has been in foster care since December 17th, 2008 now. He was told he could come home in January, then March, and then May…and he is still not home. He has begun to think it is all a lie and he’ll never really be home again. He also fears that if he is home again, that those people will come back and take him again in the future. He is only nine years old and has the fears of a grown man. My other two boys are still with the custodians from 2004. My middle son is living with his dad, who has remarried again (yep, found out he was married at the age of 19 when we were together…just not living with his wife and child) after getting yet another woman pregnant while married to his first wife. They have seven children together under one roof, a three bedroom home, and my son is treated like a red-headed step child. He begs to come home with me permanently, and I intend to fight for him. I just have to pay off the $20,000 attorney bill I have incurred with my fight for my oldest and the family friend/DFCS. My youngest still lives with his paternal grandmother, although his father has long since gotten married and moved out of the home. He now has two little girls, and my youngest bounces between three homes regularly on weekends (mine, his dad’s and his Nana’s). She is very resistant to let either of us have custody, even though both of us are very capable of it. She married a man that cannot have children of his own, so they have decided my youngest is their child together even though she won’t admit it. So the drama continues, but I will not give up.
Just so you know where I am now, I am also married (for the first time) and we have a 4 bedroom home together that is plenty big enough and nice enough for my boys. We both work and bring in enough money to adequately care for my children and some to spare. We are not rich, and the attorney fees and child support I pay do put a dent in the income, but we are still doing well. I still have no mental health history or any other negative history that could cause harm to my case, but I am still fighting tooth and toenail. They always find something wrong, no matter what you do. DFCS is the equivalent of a pit bull trained to fight. Once they get a bite on you, they won’t let go and shake with all their might. I am sure some have the best of intentions, but most do not, and the program is so flawed it is counterproductive to its original purpose. I hope someone helps stop this madness, and maybe one day children truly will be safe again.