What you don't know, will hurt your family.

Our last visit from CPS was late July a few weeks before I was due. They actually knocked on my door a minute after my mom came through it with a cake for Danny’s birthday party to do a walk through. Seeing my mom was there, I got a chummy, “Oh! I’m sorry I see that you have a birthday party going on, I’ll be quick…” Excuse me if I missed the sincerity.

I still hold to my thoughts that they were trying to guestimate about when I was due so they could surprise me during the first week of newborn-dom.

He did his walk through and then stated they were waiting for the kids pediatrician to get back to them and that the case was still undetermined. This has been the wildcard term they have used the past few visits.

“The case is undertermined whether or not abuse and neglect is eminent…”

It’s like, what more can I give you? They require ridiculous shows of determination as a parent to PROVE Im worthy… shouldn’t they go on who you are naturally? Not by how high and far you can jump?

He said they were trying to close out the case by the end of the month and that if we dont hear from them it’s a ‘good thing’ (What? You think it’s a good thing to leave parents hanging on whether or not you are going to proceed to try and tear their family apart?). He also said that his manager was particularly picky and that if there is anything else she comes up with we would be getting a visit from them. Nice. More anal retentive OCD CPS agents- but this explains a lot, too.

He left waving, and I was left with thoughts of CPS agents showing up in my birthing postpartum room to take away my newborn. Friends scoff at me as if… “Come on Jyn, they wouldn’t do that, they couldnt do THAT…” but as many of you know, they do and they can.

Why? Who knows. In all honesty, who really KNOWS what brainwashing they have had done to them thinking they are saving the country of bad parenting because- government knows best how to raise our children right?

I received a letter last week (mid September) stating that they closed our case. What really got my goat was how they worded it. “We are required by law to inveswtigate any claims of abuse and although we saw signs of potential abuse and neglect we did not have enough evidence to prove that abuse and neglect was indeed occuring…”

Give me a break. If it wasn’t enough that they put me through half a year of HELL but they have to try and hold their own composure by wording it as if I was indeed guilty but that they were unable to build their case enough to follow through.

I’m still left scarred…. I have nightmares about my doorbell ringing and seeing his face still.

Emmalia's Birth

In the meantime I had a healthy baby girl August 6th via waterbirth. She was absolutely perfect and at a month old we’re constantly changing around our schedules to accommodate her nursing needs. 

Emma 1 mo old

Also, Things couldn’t have happened at a better time. My washing machine is on it’s last legs and the laundry is piling up. Since it is managed via a computer inside, it gives me a fail error multiple times during loads. It takes a few hours just toget one load washed sometimes with the need to micromanage the cycles and finness it sometimes into another cycle mode just to unlock.

My laundry room

Of course everything is IN A HAMPER, it’s just overflowing now with a family of 8. I was just waiting for CPS to come and tell me how unacceptable the laundryroom was and how it was a danger to my kid’s lives.

Tags: case closed, CPS, follow up

Well, here is the downstairs recently. I’m due in 5 weeks so it’s getting down to the wire.
We havent heard from CPS since June, where they said that their case was inconclusive whether or not our home was a detriment to the safety of the kids.

We looked for a new home for a while but things werent panning out, so we’re staying. It’s still nerve wrecking because- Im sure theyre waiting for me to have the baby first before visiting. They have VERY LITTLE to prosecute and take my kids over, so if anything would provide any material- a new baby would be one.

I even had a new visitor recently and got to hold her 6 week old baby. I look forward to the day I can feel more comfortable in my own home having people over and not having to jump everytime the doorbell rings or someone knocks.

Remind me I need to install a peephole too…

-Jyn

Tags: clean, diningroom, house, images, kitchen, livingroom, pictures, table

This past week has been horrible.

Continuously making sure that the house is in pristine order has taken over my days, my nights, my thoughts and my dreams. I fall asleep only to dream that they are at the door wanting to inspect my home.
Are the kid’s beds made?! Is there laundry in the laundry baskets?! Are there unfinished dishes in the sink?! Is there anything out that can be perceived as a hazard???

Listening to myself- it all sounds remedial in the line of things going on in life. My husband and I watched an investigative undercover documentary the other day of Russian and Ukrainian women sold into sex slavery, some thinking they were going to go pick up items for their mother’s shops- tricked into a foreign country forced to have abortions and give up their bodies or be killed. They have families- husbands, children at home who have no idea where they are.

THIS is reality. But still, everyone has a reality that is just as real to them as your reality is real to you. For one, it may be the worry of an impending job loss… or knowing that their home will be taken from them at any moment from their inability to pay. For another, it might be whether or not their husband will be intoxicated when he gets home and how badly she will be beaten that evening.

For me- I worry endlessly about how far DHS will go to make my life hell, needlessly. I say needlessly, because there is nothing dangerous about a few dishes in the sink, some piles of clothing needing to be washed or comforters pulled off their beds.

I worry about the legal ramifications we might have to face in the future and how this will effect us if anything should happen. What if my husband loses his job and we have to apply for welfare? How will this effect us- will this give CPS free reign to lord over us?

The stress has been too much this week- I was fighting regular contractions during and after bible study last night and I’m thankful I was able to get them under control. Knowing I’m reaching the beginning of my third trimester next week- Im looking forward to finding a new home to move to. This home feels like a physical and emotional jail to me.

I know it could be any day, any minute, any hour that they come and there is a knock on my door. Since I have no peephole- friends and family are greeted with a face drained of blood rather than a grin and welcome arms. I just want this to be over.

Tags: anxiety, dreams, frusteration, impeding doom

Pictures of the home the morning after CPS left.

Here are pictures of our home the morning after CPS came, early Wednesday morning- dead quiet without the voices of our five kiddos that normally fills the home.
They left Tuesday at 5pm and we had it cleaned that night.
Mind you, they said there was no way we could get a house as disgusting and ‘unacceptable’ as ours sanitary before Friday.

I paced and walked our home over and over in tears and disbelief that something like this was possible. What about the children out there who need protection? The ones beaten and bruised who flinch when you raise a hand- the ones lusted after at night, visited by their mother’s current flame aka predator? WHY were these people even in my home???? Interigating us, of all people in the whole world????

You could walk down any slum in the area with out question- even any middle income home, upper income home- and take every CHILD IN THIS STATE if the conditions to remove a child are this lax. Lord help us all.

Tags: bedrooms, condition, CPS, house, images, pictures