After Abby died, nothing was the same. My husband and I walked around like zombies, not sure what to think, do or feel. All we knew was that our other daughter needed us to stay strong and fight for her. Jessy is the only reason I could get out of bed during this time, I knew if I gave into my depression and let it take over there would never be any hope for us being a family again. SO I did the only thing I could, I fought. I was so angry at CPS and everyone involved but I, being in my mind a reasonably intelligent human being, decided no good would come from resistance. I cooperated. I was the absolute VISION of cooperation, despite the fact that I had done nothing to deserve their involvement in my life. Once our case plan was given to it I attacked it with wild abandon. Working my case plan became all that mattered to me because my daughter was ( and still is) all that mattered to me.
We were making some real progress, and things were finally starting to look up. We started to get our hope back and mayb e even a little happiness. Until July 1 2008. The SECOND worst day of my life. I had returned home after running a few errands and lo and behold who should appear but the detectives that had questioned me the night of my daughters death. I rolled my eyes inwardly and thought ” WHAT do they want to know NOW!?!? I have already told them EVERYTHING!” Little did I know they hadn’t come to question me. They had come to arrest me. No one knows the fear and panic that goes through your mind and such a time unless you have been falsely arrested too.
I was taken to jail and charged with Child Abuse with Substantial Bodily Harm Resulting in death and 1 count of neglect : A 20 YEAR PRISON SENTENCE! I was charged with this DESPITE the fact that a coroner examined Abby and a county sponsored Dr examined Jessy and both concluded that neither had any sign of abuse, both were a healthy weight and size and both very well nourished. STILL I get charged with Abuse and Neglect. What a system we live in! So again I complied, hoping that the truth would be known. It wasn’t. I spent 5 long months in Clark County Detention Center on a 23 lock-down. For those of you not familiar with the jail systems let me explain what that means. I was in a 5×10 cell ALONE for 23 hours a day. I got ONE hour out of my day to be with other humans. During that hour, I had to shower, call home, try to get some exercise and try to socialize with others to keep from going completely crazy. The guards would call us “baby killers” or other such horrible names and sometimes “forgot” to let us out for our hour out of our cell. Prisoners in DEATH ROW get more humane treatment than I did during those 5 months.
I tried to have faith that the truth would prevail. In keeping with the theme of our situation, the truth did NOT prevail. We never saw a jury. Fortunately the over-zealous DA prosecuting us couldn’t get a murder charge to stick, but that didn’t stop her from trying. No grand jury would indict us. Obviously, because no such thing occurred. However one day I received a visit from my lawyer, he came with news that the DA had offered a plea bargain and my lawyer recommended I take it. Not because he thought I was guilty. He knew the truth, but he also knew my DA. She played dirty. Tugged at heart strings, spun the worst possible case stories and sensationalized everything. He told me that she would show the jury photos of my daughter at autopsy. After a jury saw that, they would be so disturbed and upset by the images that they wouldn’t care if I was innocent or not. They would convict. So I took the deal. I hated doing it. This is our criminal justice system at work. No one cares if you really did it or not, as long as they get their conviction. That ladies and gentleman is NOT justice.
Some might criticize me for taking a deal when I knew that I was innocent. Some have said it proves my guilt. These critics say that a truly innocent person would keep fighting no matter what. To these critics I say “You obviously do not have children”. I took the deal because I needed to be out of jail to fight for Jessica. I was playing Russian Roulette. Do I spin the barrel and hope there is no bullet or do I refuse to pick up the gun? I was going to put my life in the hands of 12 strangers that did not know me and did not care to know me. I made the most logical decision and refused to play. Cooperation hadn’t done justice by me thus far and I had little hope that it would in this instance. Also I took the deal for Abby. For her dignity. I could not bear the thought of 12 strangers looking at her little body on an autopsy table. That is something no one should see. She deserved better. So I took the deal. 2 months later I was released on a 5 year term of probation.
Now the REAL fight was beginning.