Attachment Parenting Lost

Not physically, or anything.  The house is as clean as it’s ever been.  My emotions, however, are a wreck.  My older two children are wrecked.  My 6 year old cried last night for the first time since his brother was taken from us.  That was incredibly difficult, as I’m having a hard timekeeping myself together.  He went to bed, and got up five minutes later.  As soon as he got up, he came out into the living room, bawling.  I asked him what was wrong, and with tears pouring down his face, he said, “Charlie’s not here.”  Oh god, why is this happening to my family?  I just want it to end.  I just want these awful people to give my baby back to me.  We don’t deserve this, and I’ve never done anything to hurt my children, or to let them get hurt like this.

  When Charlie was brought to us for a visit at the DSS office, he had a scab on his thumb that is an obvious burn mark.  He also had a rash on his butt that was so bad that it bled when I wiped the poop off.  The inside of his right ear is covered in dirt and scabs.  Not a single part of his body smelled like he had been washed in any recent time.  My son has never had a diaper rash a single day in his life, before the CPS agency stepped in “to protect him”.  I expressed my concerns to the worker and she made plenty of excuses, but did not give any valid answers to my concerns.  I also had it out with the worker over the fact that nobody in that agency has once used my son’s name, but insists upon referring to him as “the child”.  When the worker took the baby out of my arms and put my youngest son into the car, my older two children burst into tears and proceeded to cry for about 20 minutes.  I asked the supervisor, Jeffery O’Donnel, to please hurry up with finding the family counseling that he offered me, in order to help my older two children cope with what is being done to our family at the hands of their agency, and he said he’d try.  What is being done to my family at the hands of this agency is absolutely unacceptable.  I am now going to begin calling television news stations.

I am scheduled to have a meeting with the social worker on our “case” this morning.  It is also supposed to be a visit with my child, the first since CPS ripped him out of my arms.  I had a horrible dream last night, and woke up crying.  I dreamed that I went to visit him, and we were in that little room (the one with mirror/windows on both sides).  The worker brought him in to the room and he had all his teeth (which he didn’t when he was taken from me) and could walk totally independant of anyone (which he couldn’t when he was taken from me), and that he didn’t know who his brothers were or who I was and cried when I tried to pick him up.  I miss my baby so much and I am so afraid of what is going on his little 1 year old mind.  Please pray for my family.