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Divorce and the Children

July 30, 2011 in domestic violence, family court, parent-child relationship

With about two million people getting divorced every year in the United States alone, and one and a half million children affected by these divorces, there’s clearly an urgent need to get through this process with dignity, respect and compassion. Unfortunately, this does not always happen and, as a result, children suffer. It’s in the news everyday and transcends social class.

Divorce Happens – This Doctor Helps Protect The Innocence Of Children
And Teaches Parents How To Minimize The Damage

July 30, 2011 – Dr. Mark Robert Banschick designed The Intelligent Divorce book series and The Online Family Stabilization Course as a way to help divorcing parents avoid the common mistakes that end up hurting children during a divorce. The mission of the project is to teach parents how to raise well-adjusted children despite the pressures that divorce puts on everyone.

Video: “It’s Working Out”

A blueprint that every adult should use as they go through a divorce, The Intelligent Divorce advocates on behalf of kids through books, an online course, seminars and a media campaign. Based on hundreds of case studies, current research and decades of experience, Dr. Banschick teaches parents how to handle divorce with dignity, strength and intelligence.

The first book in the series, Taking Care of Your Children (2010), focuses on the well being of kids by teaching parents effective communication strategies that help them gauge how their children are doing with the divorce. And, if their child is in trouble, Dr. Banschick’s pragmatic approach teaches parents how to make a positive difference.

The second book, Taking Care of Yourself (2011), helps parents take control of their lives by handling anger, pain and anxiety more productively; learning about finances and healthier living; and dealing realistically with the world of attorneys, therapists and difficult ex-spouses. On this note, the third book, scheduled to come out in 2012, centers around Dealing with a Difficult Ex.

Mark R. Banschick, M.D. is a child and adolescent psychiatrist. The Intelligent Divorce project evolved from his work as an expert witness in custody disputes. Dr. Banschick has appeared on the CBS Early Show, The Ricki Lake Show, WCBS TV Morning News, and has been quoted in The New York Times, Divorcemagazine.com, firstwivesworld.com, and regularly contributes to the Huffington Post.

Dr. Banschick is currently working with a production company on a sample pilot television show designed to educate the public about divorcing with your children in mind, despite the difficult feelings and power struggles that come with the territory.

For the two million people divorcing each year in this country and the one and a half million children who are affected, The Intelligent Divorce is a project worth pursuing. As part of a public outreach effort, Dr. Banschick is open to media contact and interviews on topics of divorce and parenting.

For more information please visit Dr. Banschick’s website, www.TheIntelligentDivorce.com

Cathy Meyer, Founder, DivorcedWomenOnLine.com: “It isn’t merely a book; it’s a tool that anyone going through a divorce should be required to implement. It belongs on the desk of all divorce lawyers, judges, child psychologists, and every divorced or divorcing parent.”

The Media’s Failure

April 3, 2010 in Child Protective Services, CPS, DCFS

Nationwide Mother's Day Protest!

As I’ve been working on Kidjacked today, I was thinking about a conversation I had with a distraught father a couple days ago and how he had tried to generate some media interest in his case.

Then there was a woman who took me by total surprise by defending foster parents and claiming that she had fostered over 200 children belonging to parents, who were all guilty of every heinous crime one can imagine. Of course, this woman is just looking, for a pat on the back, for what she perceives as doing her civic duty.

I don’t know why these type of people always take me by surprise but they do. I’ve received some of the most hateful email one can imagine — my thanks for trying to increase awareness of our “lost generation” of children. I get so involved in the work I do that it is often hard to hear the other side.

Today, I added article after article dealing with horrible crimes against children. Parents, foster parents, boy friends of parents, the list goes on and on with tales of children horribly abused at the hands of trusted adults, sometimes even their own parents. Is it any wonder no one believes the stories found here on Kidjacked, in our little corner of the web. Children are being abused psychologically by adults; adults who are paid to inflict trauma and devastation on their innocent family. These children have no idea why they are being punished. Why they were stolen from their family. Often CPS agents tell them unspeakable lies.

I’ve added several stories just this week regarding children who were adopted out of foster care, only to be killed by their adoptive parent. Isn’t anyone paying attention? Why doesn’t the media care about these children? Children who are still alive — by the grace of God — but tortured daily in an uncaring system designed for them to fail in every way.

Is it any wonder no one believes that the vast majority of parents are innocent of wrong doing? Is it any wonder the media ignores our plight?

Media and Mentors

June 6, 2009 in family rights, foster care, parental rights

Today in Hawaii Helen Altonn reports, "Thwarting meth use is goal of project."

Oahu Family Court Judge Michael Broderick says he is convinced methamphetamine addiction is the greatest issue facing Hawaii because of the health, economic and social consequences.

From Alaska, we find, "Good news for kids: Mentors will help show the way."

"After a traumatic youth, many young people in foster care are set adrift when they age out of state care in their late teens. Some disheartening statistics: Nearly 40 percent of Alaska foster care alumni interviewed in a 2005 study became homeless for a time as adults. By age 19, half were parents themselves. After graduating from state care, 30 percent were jailed for some period."

Doesn’t anyone see the irony in this?

In Hawaii, a statewide project will spend a boatload of money on a children’s media campaign against meth. In Alaska, they want to help the poor foster children learn how to live in the real world.

Give me a stinking break! I’m sure the people who brainstormed these ideas were well intentioned but good intentions won’t get you very far toward solving a very real problem.

If people are so darned concerned about these children, maybe they should back up a few paces and change courses. Where are the programs to help drug addicted parents. Those same parents who are loosing their children to the state and being placed in long-term foster care.

We don’t need mentoring programs; we need to stop reacting and start being proactive. Treatment programs needs to be made widely available to parents who want help. We need to work harder at making and keeping families together and strong.

As the family goes – so goes the nation and from where I sit, it’s a downward spiral.

The family is the fabric of society. You can’t uproot a child by removing them from every thing they know and love and expect them to ever be whole again. Yes, some children come out if the trauma and manage to pull together a life for themselves but that is not the norm. Far from it.

The statistics don’t lie. But the solutions being offered up will never work. Any chance for a future lies in strengthening the family unit, helping parents learn how to keep a house clean; learn how to budget their money; learn how to shop; and most of all, learn how to care for their children.

There simply is no substitute for an intact family.

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