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Is Our Society Prejudiced Against Children?

January 10, 2012 in child abuse, family rights, parent-child relationship

We have to begin to address the root of the problem. I think a lot of these so called new diagnoses are nothing more than environmental responses. Our children are being experimented on. From the GMO (genetically modified organisms) cereal in their breakfast bowl to the innocent looking vaccines they tell us are good for us.

Is Our Society Prejudiced Against Children?

Young-Breuhl, an analyst, political theorist and biographer, calls attention to the way human rights of children are threatened. Childism is defined as “a prejudice against children on the ground of a belief that they are property and can (or even should) be controlled, enslaved, or removed to serve adult needs.”

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Elena’s story offers a microscopic view of the macroscopic phenomenon Young-Breuhl so brilliantly articulates. Following the history of the field of Child Abuse and Neglect (CAN) studies, she finds that “from the start [this field] took attention away from abusers and their motivations; and it implied that children could be helped without their abusers being helped.”

Furthermore, she describes Child Protective Services (CPS) as a “rescue service-a child saving service-not a family service supporting child development generally and helping parents…” Rather than setting up a system of treatment, CPS became “an investigative service…a situation in which bad families suspected of making their children bad will be invaded and infiltrated.”

Young- Breuhl has empathy for both parent and child, arguing that failure to support families is a manifestation of childism.

Can the children all be helped? No, but we must do the right thing. Frankly, some parents should just walk away. They should never have become parents in the first place. But the reality is that children are being removed from perfectly good parents, parents who are struggling either emotionally, physically, or financially.

These are issues best served locally. They cannot be addresses federally because each area will have its own issues and they will vary from community to community. I am pleased that someone else recognized these inherent problems with a top-down, one-size-fits-all approach.

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Parenting a Liar…

November 1, 2011 in foster care, foster parents, Kidjacked, parent-child relationship

Do you have a child who lies for no apparent reason? You aren’t alone and you could be a big part of the problem, which means you can help.

A woman typing on a laptop

Foster kids need computers too

Before you get all indignant, please understand, I believe some children have what I think of, as a “lying gene,” and lying simply comes natural to these children. Children who have been moved around from foster care home to foster care home, will often take on a new identity, when they realize they are living with complete strangers and can become anyone they wish. In these cases, lying becomes a way of life.

These foster children are the ones the system likes to label as RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) children. Children in foster care soon learn to keep people at a distance and will have trust issues. Who can blame them? You can’t wear your heart on your sleeve without having it repeatedly broken by a heartless uncaring system, where the individual gets chewed up in the grinding of the system.

I can remember carrying everything I own in a paper bag. I’m certain many foster care children are thrilled to receive suitcases from churches, schools and other charitable organizations that have donation drives for foster kids. It would be wonderful if more could be done for these children. It’s too bad most foster care children never receive the benefits of things done in their name — such as donations for laptops.

Just how long do you think a child alone, left to the mercy of the system, will be able to keep a $1,000 laptop — or even a $250 notebook? If they aren’t stolen by a foster family member or foster parent, the temptation to sell it for cash or even drugs (if they are an issue) is great.

Getting back to the child with the imaginary “lying gene”

Learning how to better approach the child, can drastically increase his or her truth-telling. If you have one child, this is much easier, because you know who “did it,” you don’t have to play investigator. So, insteading of asking the child, “Who left the toilet seat up?” You simply say, “Please don’t leave the seat up on the toilet.”

As parents of a child with lying issues, it’s easy to get into the bad habit of asking questions that we already know the answers to. When we learn to rephrase our questions, or avoid asking a question all-together, we can help avoid the temptation to lie.  Often with a little thought and an attitude change, you can help your child feel better about his or herself and break the cycle of lying.

It is up to the parent to demonstrate good moral fortitude. Be sure your child hears you being honest. Take the time to continually express the importance on honestly. The Bible can serve as a useful tool in training your child in honesty. Ask your child to read, memorize, copy and recite from this list of scripture verses on honesty.

You can choose to tolerate your child’s lying, which can and often will continue as a pattern into adulthood or you can choose to change your parenting style and address the issue — the earlier the better. If you have a child who is constantly lying, don’t give up — get help.

 [Download: Bible Lesson on Truth and Lies (pdf)]

Click Here to Stop the Yelling • Lecturing • Scolding Pushing and Prodding
and Start Getting The Results You Want

Teaching Honesty to our Children

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Are you a sociopath?

October 18, 2011 in caseworker, Child Protective Services, DSS, parent-child relationship, parental rights

I would like to publicly thank Carolynn Middleton for posting her letter: Caseworkers- Are You Contented? We’ve all asked ourselves the same questions, in a nutshell we want to know what kind of animal could be so cruel to another human being?

I would like to print this letter off and get it into the hands of every caseworker in America.

Caseworkers- Are You Contented?

We all like to think of ourselves as righteous, noble, honorable, and ethical, with dignity and self respect. But, in cases where there is no abuse/neglect, or where indications of abuse/neglect are quite questionable, how do you sleep at night. How do you live with yourself knowing that, earlier in the day you tore a family apart? How do you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning, knowing that you apprehended a child(ren), taken them away from their parents, and left a family devastated, and maybe you really didn’t need to?

Think for a moment…

Whether you are a religious person or not, this is a pretty good Personal Rule, “Do onto others as you would have done onto you.” With that in mind, how would you feel if someone came along and hurt your children, your spouse, and your family, without good reason, even though they may have thought they had good reason?

In many or our planet’s animal species, the mother will die trying to protect her offspring from would-be predators. I know there are cases where children need to be taken into custody to protect them. 

But what about all of those children who’ve been apprehended who don’t need to be?

  • Are you a narcissist?
  • Are you a sociopath?
  • Do you take delight in causing someone else pain?
  • Or is it that you just don’t think about it?
  • Or is it that you really don’t care?

I know many people who got into the field of social work because they wanted to help others. That is a very noble sentiment. But how does unnecessarily devastating a family and tearing it apart, help? How does dragging parents into court and through a long and drawn out bureaucratic process help? Certainly if a child is being seriously abused/neglected- then they need your help, and the important thing here is to try and help them.

But many foster homes are either inadequate or run by people I wouldn’t trust to care for my pet rock. [Continue Reading…]

Whether you mail it, email it or hand deliver it, doesn’t matter. What matters is getting CPS Agents to examine their own motives. I’ve personally spoken with caseworkers, investigators, even supervisors who staff child protective service offices and many of them are feeling guilty about the work they do. Any worker worth their salt knows she is causing more harm than good.

Perhaps, we can give them a little shove in the right direction. This is not about simply collecting a paycheck. We are dealing with the lives of millions of children. The entire makeup of the country is being changed – hardly a single life has been left untouched by the vultures at the Department of Health and Human Services. The family unit is being destroyed and our nation will never be the same.

We should refer to this generation as The Lost Generation. You don’t have to be a statistician to realize the significance of the numbers. I am involved with family rights issues on a daily basis. I consider myself very informed on the issues and these numbers even freaked me out. I’m devastated by these numbers. I’ll let you draw your own conclusions.

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Divorce and the Children

July 30, 2011 in domestic violence, family court, parent-child relationship

With about two million people getting divorced every year in the United States alone, and one and a half million children affected by these divorces, there’s clearly an urgent need to get through this process with dignity, respect and compassion. Unfortunately, this does not always happen and, as a result, children suffer. It’s in the news everyday and transcends social class.

Divorce Happens – This Doctor Helps Protect The Innocence Of Children
And Teaches Parents How To Minimize The Damage

July 30, 2011 – Dr. Mark Robert Banschick designed The Intelligent Divorce book series and The Online Family Stabilization Course as a way to help divorcing parents avoid the common mistakes that end up hurting children during a divorce. The mission of the project is to teach parents how to raise well-adjusted children despite the pressures that divorce puts on everyone.

Video: “It’s Working Out”

A blueprint that every adult should use as they go through a divorce, The Intelligent Divorce advocates on behalf of kids through books, an online course, seminars and a media campaign. Based on hundreds of case studies, current research and decades of experience, Dr. Banschick teaches parents how to handle divorce with dignity, strength and intelligence.

The first book in the series, Taking Care of Your Children (2010), focuses on the well being of kids by teaching parents effective communication strategies that help them gauge how their children are doing with the divorce. And, if their child is in trouble, Dr. Banschick’s pragmatic approach teaches parents how to make a positive difference.

The second book, Taking Care of Yourself (2011), helps parents take control of their lives by handling anger, pain and anxiety more productively; learning about finances and healthier living; and dealing realistically with the world of attorneys, therapists and difficult ex-spouses. On this note, the third book, scheduled to come out in 2012, centers around Dealing with a Difficult Ex.

Mark R. Banschick, M.D. is a child and adolescent psychiatrist. The Intelligent Divorce project evolved from his work as an expert witness in custody disputes. Dr. Banschick has appeared on the CBS Early Show, The Ricki Lake Show, WCBS TV Morning News, and has been quoted in The New York Times, Divorcemagazine.com, firstwivesworld.com, and regularly contributes to the Huffington Post.

Dr. Banschick is currently working with a production company on a sample pilot television show designed to educate the public about divorcing with your children in mind, despite the difficult feelings and power struggles that come with the territory.

For the two million people divorcing each year in this country and the one and a half million children who are affected, The Intelligent Divorce is a project worth pursuing. As part of a public outreach effort, Dr. Banschick is open to media contact and interviews on topics of divorce and parenting.

For more information please visit Dr. Banschick’s website, www.TheIntelligentDivorce.com

Cathy Meyer, Founder, DivorcedWomenOnLine.com: “It isn’t merely a book; it’s a tool that anyone going through a divorce should be required to implement. It belongs on the desk of all divorce lawyers, judges, child psychologists, and every divorced or divorcing parent.”

Saving Isaiah

July 24, 2011 in corruption, DCFS, drugs, Florida, medication, neglect, parent-child relationship, parental rights

Lier Mental Hospital #2

Image by naustvik via Flickr

This evening I watched Saving Isaiah again, about a little boy who was adopted out after his crack addicted mother threw him out like garbage. When the adults stopped fighting over him, we were left to believe all was well. We all hope and pray that Isaiah has a happy ending.

When I decided to share Saving Isaiah with my Facebook friends, I found another Saving Isaiah that both shocked and horrified me. Though to be honest, Isaiah’s story doesn’t surprise me.

COMMITTED TO MENTAL WARD AT 6

Psychiatrists diagnosed Isaiah with post-traumatic stress disorder, a mental problem first studied in Vietnam veterans. He had night terrors and trouble sleeping. He flinched when a cashier at a water park asked him to wear a plastic bracelet to show he had paid. It triggered his memory of a hospital ID band.

Cheryll believes her son also has reactive attachment disorder, a problem in which early traumas prevent children from bonding normally with their parents. She wanted to take her son to one of the national centers that train parents to help severely disturbed children.

Nearly every day, Cheryll hounded DCF officials for the money. When she felt administrators were patronizing her, her temper came quick, like a sudden slap.

The state wouldn’t pay for the special treatment, but it did provide a psychiatrist, an after-school program and a therapist who came to the home to work with Isaiah nearly every day. In the summer after his kindergarten year, the state paid his tuition to a summer camp for emotionally disturbed children.

Isaiah believed that the entire world was out to hurt him. In his mind, even is mother could not be trusted and the state, predictably, does exactly the wrong thing to help this innocent child. They locked Isaiah up in the most terrifying place on earth and began to torture Isaiah with needles.

I can relate to his terror and I have to wonder how any parent can be so stupid. I am convinced that the mother is not without blame, but the story doesn’t give us those details.

When I was 8 years old my appendix burst and I was hospitalized for three weeks. It was touch-and-go for the first few days, they had inserted a drain tube to help drain off the poison that threatened to claim my life. Obviously, I made it through the ordeal…but at what cost?

I was given 3-injections daily for those 3-weeks, to help fight the poison, my drain tube was checked through-out the day as well and my dressings changed. I was in good hands, the staff, for the most, part treated me well.

I was really out of it for the first 3-days, then for the next 7-days I was terrified. I lived in total and constant fear. I was afraid to move the wrong way, for fear my guts would fall out. I knew they had cut me open, I knew that they had to clean my wound often but not a single person bothered to tell me that I had staples in my stomach. I didn’t find out until the doctor was half-way through removing them and I had the courage to ask him what he was doing.

Everyone was so busy “doing their job”, that no one considered actually letting the patient in on the process. You would be surprised at what very young children can understand. I was quite shocked one day, when someone I know well was babysitting a friends child. The child was acting out and instead of talking to the 18-months-old child and explaining things this person yanked the items out of the child’s hand, claiming that the child was too young to understand. Poppycock.

Children in the womb can understand love and affection. My grandchild used to really get moving around when I would read or sing to my daughter-in-laws swollen tummy. Children of all ages are very perceptive and can understand much more than we give them credit for. This case is especially difficult because the mother is a single mom. Raising a child is hard enough when you have two loving parents working together, but nearly impossible to do all alone.

This family needs your support.

Please contact Kathleen Chapman for details on where to make a donation to help Isaiah and his mother. This child needs specialized help and nothing less will do.

Contact Kathleen Chapman
kathleen_chapman@pbpost.com

 

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