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Parenting a Liar…

November 1, 2011 in foster care, foster parents, Kidjacked, parent-child relationship

Do you have a child who lies for no apparent reason? You aren’t alone and you could be a big part of the problem, which means you can help.

A woman typing on a laptop

Foster kids need computers too

Before you get all indignant, please understand, I believe some children have what I think of, as a “lying gene,” and lying simply comes natural to these children. Children who have been moved around from foster care home to foster care home, will often take on a new identity, when they realize they are living with complete strangers and can become anyone they wish. In these cases, lying becomes a way of life.

These foster children are the ones the system likes to label as RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) children. Children in foster care soon learn to keep people at a distance and will have trust issues. Who can blame them? You can’t wear your heart on your sleeve without having it repeatedly broken by a heartless uncaring system, where the individual gets chewed up in the grinding of the system.

I can remember carrying everything I own in a paper bag. I’m certain many foster care children are thrilled to receive suitcases from churches, schools and other charitable organizations that have donation drives for foster kids. It would be wonderful if more could be done for these children. It’s too bad most foster care children never receive the benefits of things done in their name — such as donations for laptops.

Just how long do you think a child alone, left to the mercy of the system, will be able to keep a $1,000 laptop — or even a $250 notebook? If they aren’t stolen by a foster family member or foster parent, the temptation to sell it for cash or even drugs (if they are an issue) is great.

Getting back to the child with the imaginary “lying gene”

Learning how to better approach the child, can drastically increase his or her truth-telling. If you have one child, this is much easier, because you know who “did it,” you don’t have to play investigator. So, insteading of asking the child, “Who left the toilet seat up?” You simply say, “Please don’t leave the seat up on the toilet.”

As parents of a child with lying issues, it’s easy to get into the bad habit of asking questions that we already know the answers to. When we learn to rephrase our questions, or avoid asking a question all-together, we can help avoid the temptation to lie.  Often with a little thought and an attitude change, you can help your child feel better about his or herself and break the cycle of lying.

It is up to the parent to demonstrate good moral fortitude. Be sure your child hears you being honest. Take the time to continually express the importance on honestly. The Bible can serve as a useful tool in training your child in honesty. Ask your child to read, memorize, copy and recite from this list of scripture verses on honesty.

You can choose to tolerate your child’s lying, which can and often will continue as a pattern into adulthood or you can choose to change your parenting style and address the issue — the earlier the better. If you have a child who is constantly lying, don’t give up — get help.

 [Download: Bible Lesson on Truth and Lies (pdf)]

Click Here to Stop the Yelling • Lecturing • Scolding Pushing and Prodding
and Start Getting The Results You Want

Teaching Honesty to our Children

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How to Attract Media Attention!

July 6, 2011 in biological parents, corruption, due process, Event, family rights, justice, Kidjacked, parental rights

US Navy 030322-N-6477M-003 Local residents tak...

This Navy man has the right idea!

I wasn’t too sure starting a Kidjacked Facebook page was going to be a good idea but it’s been working incredibly well. People are asking questions and interacting to share valuable information, they are organizing state and local groups.

Just today a good question was asked on Facebook

How do you go about getting the media involved or filing a lawsuit?

Please someone help me I have been fighting to get my daughter back for over three years. No allegations of abuse or neglect – I simply left my daughter with my husband and they told him they could take her on the basis that we were married after she was born and he didn’t have proof of paternity on him.

We are still in a suspended TPR/reunification after taking their ‘deals’ of not going to trial earlier with the promise she would come home 2 years ago.  I need my daughter home!  The potential adoptive mother met her in her daycare.  Isn’t that illegal, if she wasn’t a foster/adoptive home beforehand, and isn’t related to her?  That is a law I know for sure in some states.

Please help me they lie and lie and lie to me and refuse to let her come home, when they are the ones preventing her from coming home, there has never been one safety issue whatsoever.

Several responses were offered up for the desperate mother. I offered up my own response to address a portion of her question, “How do you go about getting the media involved?”

  1. Write a concise article, detailing the facts.
  2. Have a trusted well-educated friend or acquaintance proof read it for grammar & spelling.
  3. Write a press release – paying attention to length.
  4. Write a brief introduction and collect names, email addresses and phone numbers of media people. Be sure to check for recent articles on the topic and contact a reporter who is interested in these type of “human interest” type stories.
  5. Then just keep at it. Once you have good copy and a good list, it’s simply a matter of numbers.
  6. Then post your story to your own blog at my.kidjacked.com and share your blog with the world. I’m happy to feature any well-written blog on Kidjacked home page and the news sections.
  7. You can’t skip any of these steps if you wish to have the best chances of success. We have resources within the CPS reform community, to help make your story a headline but we must be smart about it.

The system only works as well as it does by making us feel isolated and alone. The powers that be (CPS, Family Court, etc…) like to keep us fighting an uphill battle for as long as they can. Some people get angry and refuse to cooperate, often only making matters worse for themselves and their children. Once you begin to recover your strength (after their one-two punch) and begin to work your case, you should begin to look for support.

United we stand, divided we fall. We can’t stand alone, we must have a strong support community and that is exactly what we need to build.

 

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It’s just not a Merry Christmas when…

December 14, 2010 in Kidjacked, parent-child relationship

Let’s face it, when the state waltzes in and turns your life upside-down; Kidjack’s your child and devastates you emotionally, financially and yes, even, spiritually — It’s simply not the makings of a very Merry Christmas.

This can be the most difficult time of the year to face — alone.

Those who manage to get through it in good spirits are those who can maintain a good attitude, inspite of the bleak outlook in their current circumstances. I’ve experienced a great deal of loss in my own life — and I’ll admit it — I’ve spend the majority of the past two days in tears — all for no apparent reason.

My Grandmother always had good advice to dole out. She always used to say, “Whatever doesn’t kill you, will make you stronger.” She was right. I’ve always managed to gather strength during my struggles — it’s the actual struggle that builds strength, stamina and perseverance. All, important qualities to possess.

I recently learned a new adage that also makes perfect sense to me, “Pain is our bodies way of letting us know, we are still alive.”

The secret is to keep busy. When I’m in pain, I like to read a good humorous book, especially those by Erma Bombeck, she just tickles my funny bone. (Be careful, you don’t want to be laughing if you have stitches, for instance.)

Here are some helpful tips for getting through the holidays – alone.

  • Do something for someone else – Doing for others will help keep our mind off our own troubles.
  • Take up a new hobby – Learn a new craft, take up sewing, learn to play golf, learn to knit, take up hiking — anything to keep your mind busy.
  • Listen to soothing or upbeat music – Depending on your mood, something mellow and sweet might bring back those feel good memories. Something with a nice beat might be just the thing for dancing.
  • Keep a Journal – Just taking the time to take good notes, keep a journal, create an accurate timeline or simply writing some short stories, or keeping up with a blog can be enough to inspire you. It may help you find a creative way to fight for your kids. The act of writing often works as a release for pent-up emotions.
  • Get Physical– Physical exercise is good for the body and the mind. Building strong muscles can also help to keep your mind sharp. Try it.
  • Make a new friend – Friends and family can make nice sounding boards, they can be there when you are feeling down and help lift you back up again. Just remember your friend might need an ear from time to time as well.
  • Don’t wallow in self-pity – Allow yourself 15 minutes a day to think about your children and to cry and grieve for their loss. Set a timer, when it goes off, put those thoughts away and get moving. Don’t give in to the temptation to climb into bed and never get up again. We’ve all been there.

I’d like for us to take the time and remember the children who have been stolen by the state — paid for compliments of the U.S. Taxpayers and our federal government. It is wrong to place a bounty of the heads of children. Our children are not for sale.

If you have wrongfully had a child Kidjacked by the state or if you know of a child who has been been removed from their loving parents — please leave a comment below. Give the child’s name (include his or her age, if you wish) and your Christmas greeting or wish. We want all of our children to know they have not been forgotten and that they still have parents waiting for their return. Once you’ve added a child’s name to the list, please share the link with your friends and family.

Please remember the children and families in your prayers, especially during this holiday season.

I wish each and everyone of you a Christmas reunion with your child.

God Bless the little children!

Arizona Kidjacking on the Rise

May 25, 2010 in Arizona, Child Protective Services, corruption, Kidjacked

Dear Kidjacked,

I have been a child advocate here in Arizona for 35 years. Throughout that time Child Protective Services has consistently taken children without cause or proof in some cases. Then in other cases they leave children in dysfunctional situations until they are dead.
 

Arizona Border

The last few years it has gotten worse and worse. Arizona’s Child Protective Services system is untouchable even when they are in the wrong. When they are in the wrong it is the responsibility of the Arizona Attorney General’s Office and you and I pay for their defense out of our tax payer dollars. You are actually paying to have your own child stolen from you and then you are paying for the defense of CPS for stealing your children.
 
You will run out of money a long time before Arizona will run out of your money.
 
Now that Arizona is in a financial crunch this will get proportionally worse because Arizona makes money from the Federal Government by stealing our children.
 
And no one cares. I gave evidence of one case where a Foster Care Parent had two illegal aliens working in the home taking care of the four foster children while the Foster Mother ran errands and worked another job. I had names and photos and testimony but not one single state agency wanted to even take my information.
 
Do not wait until they take your child or your grandchildren or your brothers children. If we as a community and a state do not take action this will grow to even bigger than it is now.
 
Do you know that one of the quickest ways to defuse a Medical Malpractice Lawsuit is to call Child Protective Services and make a report. Please listen to my words. Children are at risk in Child Protective Services care.
 
I had another Parent whose child was taken away and the Foster Care Mother allowed her brother to watch this young lady of fifteen overnight. Then the Foster Mother threatened the child and CPS did not do a full investigation because they could not afford to have this type of thing hit the newspapers.
 
I am available at any time and I am in the process of writing my second book and now I have this horrific societal injustice as the focus for that book.
 
Steven R. Isham M.A., L.B.S.W.

Infant Stolen from Hospital

May 22, 2010 in Kidjacked, Oregon, parent-child relationship, parental rights

I gave birth to my son on April 4, 2010. On April 5 2010, child protective service workers came to my hospital room and took my newborn son into custody.

Let my baby go!

I received the petition on April 6, 2010 and the basis for taking my child from me, was my bi-polar disorder and a no-contact order between me and my fathers child, which shouldn’t have been in place to begin with.

I am in Coos Bay/North Bend, OR. My first court date was on April 7, the next was held on April 19. I have one coming up on July 1, and they are already planning on adopting out my son. There was no abuse or neglect allegation and so far, I am only allowed to have one visit a week.

At my last visit, my son had a dirty diaper before he was even brought in to see me. My son is a little over a month old and I need to be able to get to know my baby. I am perfectly capable of taking care of my son and I need help.

I want my son back so he knows that I love him. Can anyone help me?

Rebecca H.
(541) 217-5419

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