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No Where To Turn

April 13, 2010 in Adoption, Child Protective Services, foster care

Most states have safe haven laws on the books, permitting a new parent to drop off an infant at a local fire department or hospital without repercussions. This is a laudable service that I am certain has had a positive impact on more than one infants life over the years.

What I cannot for the life of me understand is why more services are not available for older children. Are infants more deserving of our help? Are they more valuable to society?

We spent billions of dollars each year on foster care “services” paying strangers, who have been licensed by the state (Which should mean the state is responsible for their actions but doesn’t always.) to care for children placed in their care by other strangers, who really do not have a clue what that child needs. However, does that really matter?

Apparently not, because it happens every day.

I am not denying that not every mother or father is a good one, drugs can mess up a family in a hurry, turning an otherwise okie dokie parent, into a total loser and often, worse. Nevertheless, that is another story.

I know one mother personally; she is what I like to call a yeller. She is not abusive, she loves her child but she yells so much that the kids cannot hear a word she says. The son started smoking marijuana around the age of 13. He refused to observe his curfew, refused to attend school and to make matters worse the police were not any help at all.

She tried to find help. This mother-spent weeks calling around, trying to find some kind of help for her son and her family. She heard the same story repeatedly; her husband made too much money to qualify for any help and they did not make enough money to afford the help he needed. She was beside herself trying to figure out what she was going to do.

This is true of many families – especially in today’s economic crisis. Money problems bring on stress related illnesses; add a job loss or a medical emergency and the stress levels only escalate. Many individuals are not equipped to handle these kinds of stress levels. The may turn to illegal drug use, alcohol, marijuana, and even prescription painkillers for relief. Prescription pain medication can become the drug of choice, simply because state medical benefits cover doctors’ visits and pain medication. Prescription pain medications are easy to get and can often be obtained at no cost to the patient.

Drug use leads to illegal activity because – well, money was already short – now there simply isn’t any money left. Those hooked will even sell their food stamps, putting the children in crisis too.

What we see is a general spiral downward, each bad decision leads to another, creating a crisis situation that even the most skilled individual would struggle to find a solution to. Removing the child is rarely the best solution, foster care, and adoption are not the answer and I’ll tell you why. It is the rare exception to the rule, when an adopted child assimilates into their new surroundings. Many adoptees spend years searching for their “real parents’ and even if they find them, they are often ill-prepared to deal with reality.

My stepson was adopted by his natural mom’s second husband, he was only 18-months old at the time. His adopted father was the only father he had ever known, yet, he never felt like he belonged with our family, so we sent him to live with his natural mother. He did not do well there either. Today this boy is over 30 and still searching for his natural father.

My late husband was adopted as a child; he spent years searching for his natural parents. When he found them, he was not prepared to deal with what he found. Not only were his adoptive parents alcoholics, but so were his natural parents. He had nine brothers and sisters by six different fathers and none of them were what you would call law-abiding citizens.

I have several other individuals in my close family who have been adopted and not one of them grew up happy and well adjusted, and I find that very sad.

There are children out there who are able to be helped and it grieves me – it should grieve us all when a child is needlessly harmed.

Years ago, when I was in foster care, foster parents were not allowed to adopt a child who had been placed there. It seemed like such a stupid rule at the time but today I can see why we had that protection. Foster parents who are interested in adopting a child would have the opportunity and motive to manipulate a child who is solely under their control.

These same foster parents could provide false or damning accounts of the natural parents to child protection authorities, causing them to have their rights terminated falsely. Foster parents are paid keepers. If they have a problem with a child, they have access to just about any type of services you can imagine. The money all comes out of our social security funding. Oh, you thought that money was only doled out to retirees – think again.

What is a parent to do when…

  • you have finally found work but you have a five year old at home and no one to watch him?
  • you find yourself homeless and you have a 12 year old to care for?
  • you are married to an abusive spouse and you have four children, the oldest is 8 years old?
  • your son stays out all night partying with his friends and refuses to attend school. The school has scheduled a truancy hearing and you will lose your job if don’t show up for work.

These are everyday worries that parents are forced to deal with, often with no help at all. Why is it that foster parents are entitled to the help a natural parent can’t possibly obtain for a child that desperately needs help. This is a gross inequity and just exactly what we can expect when the state is footing the bill. You know the old adage, “He who pays the piper calls the tune.”

  • What if we wrote a law that required professionals to assist families in need rather than simply report them to the authorities?
  • What if each state mandated specific services be provided, to a family before a child could be removed from the home?
  • Why can’t we provide clean, affordable housing to families in crisis?
  • Why can’t we offer training, counseling services, parenting classes, and drug rehab that doesn’t take an act of God to get into?
  • Why can’t we provide 24-hour safe houses, where a parent can obtain emergency services such as babysitting, meals and real help?
  • Why isn’t everyone mad as hell over this greedy, God forsaken mess we call “Child Protective Services”.

I don’t have all the answers but I have some really good questions, without good answers. Why are we throwing away our tax dollars on a system that we know damages children – many are scarred for life from the experience.

I know that if our communities would come together and make helping families their priority; we could help these innocent children by aiding their needy parents. We can heal our nation by lending a helping hand – one family at a time.

Please write, call or visit your state and federal representatives. Ask them the hard questions. Then ask them again. Don’t stop until you get real answers. If we aren’t willing to stand up for the children and our families, no one else will.

Please participate in the Mother’s Day protest or silent vigil. Let your voice be heard.

DHS Destroys Family!

March 12, 2009 in Adoption, DHS, foster care, termination of parental rights, TPR

My child was hurt by someone who was babysitting while I was at work. This same person — that I trusted — shook my baby so hard that it gave him brain damage.

My children were all taken into custody. I have done nothing wrong and I am the one who is paying for his crime. My children have been taken by DHS and I have done everything that they have asked.

DHS Destroys Family!

I have completed every parenting class that there is to take, and still they made me sign over my rights. Then, since this happened to my son I have given birth to 2 other children and they removed them from the hospital. They wouldn’t even give me a chance with them.

How can they do that to someone who has done nothing wrong? They blame me for what happened and they just wont leave my kids and I alone. I have recently got married and they told me that as long as my kids have not yet been adopted my case would not be closed. And they will continue to take my children.

So, for the past 2 ½ years I’ve been fighting for my kids and they are still not going to give them back.

Where is the "innocent until tell proven guilty?" Where is the justice?

My children and myself will be paying for a crime that someone else committed for the rest of our lives. Our family has been destroyed by DHS.

What’s even worse is that the person that did this to my son is free! He is walking the streets of Silverton free to hurt someone else, he got out on a temporary insanity plea.

What kind of justice is that?

I would like to hear from anyone who has a lawsuit against DHS, can offer any help or information. I am almost out of time. Please someone, anyone that can help me, please respond to me. My kids are counting on me.

Where is the Church?

January 29, 2009 in Adoption, California, parental rights

A Father’s untold story; What’s behind Parental Alienation

January 28, 2009

Hi Ms. Jayne Major,

We met about a year & a half ago at your regular Denny’s restaurant meeting. I was in town after delivering an Airstream RV unit in Long Beach. It was great to hear some of your people tell their stories. Thank you for having Breakthrough Parenting Services and trying to stop parental alienation of children living in Los Angeles, Calif.

I’m caught up in my extended family abuse of my relationship with my son and the court enforcement of it. Some kind of intervention is needed. Maybe you can give me direction? From my end of it they have been hell bent on alienating me from my son and tight lipped.

The main opposition is coming from one of my younger brothers and his wife who are United Methodist. My brother is a pastor of a small church in Andover, Ohio. The court placed my 8-year-old son with my brother and his wife in 2000, after a temporary dependency incident that lasted only a few days and instead of resolving any concerns my brother or the court had in honesty and truth, they turned it into an excuse to never return my son.

They have used my mistakes as an excuse to terminate our father and son relationship. I know my brother is hostile towards me, and refuses to resolve the matter in adherence to the Christian instruction he is in the pulpit to preach.

For the court it’s about the huge amounts of money their making by dragging cases out and misappropriating the funds that are originally intended to help struggling families. All Bar Association affiliated attorneys have their hands tied and cannot get the job done right, even if they wanted to.

I’m self-described as a Born Again Christian and basically there is no meaningful assistance from the majority of the churches because they have registered and incorporated themselves with secular government, for the so-called benefits of limited liability and operate under a corporate charter, rather than simply follow and doing what the Holy Bible instructs.

Essentially, they have divorced themselves from their head, Jesus Christ, and do not realize they are being deceived — or if they do — and many of the pastors do, but not so much the congregations. They don’t care because they like the materialistic humanistic way of life and if the congregation doesn’t hold them accountable for their lack of properly spiritual leading, they will continue to deceive.

This is the reason why my pastor brother and his wife, et al, have been so calloused towards me falsely testifying against me in court resulting in the separation and alienation of my son and me from each other.

In order to be a true believer in God you have to stand for truth. The truth is to those who hate the truth; hate and they react in viciousness. Because they see that their fraudulent less than honest ways of making a living is threatened by the living witness of those who sincerely want to retain the freedom to live their lives, based upon the values that made us great to begin with. We govern ourselves according to the highest law, that of our creator, and not to have that value standard perverted and lied about, as if its some kind of crime to honor and respect your heavenly Father’s commandments.

I believe the anti-Christ government, police state, mentality that is rearing its ugly head is the number one terrorist and is being advanced by evil people in high positions to use fear and trauma to break the masses of people down in order to relinquish rights and be subjected to the socialist plundering of America.

If you have any helpful comments they will be appreciated. I am not highly educated but I am reaching out because I was given the gift of my son — to be my son’s father — and that comes with a sacred duty and responsibility that I was performing and wish to resume and continue to perform without unjust interference.

My son is 17 now and knows what happened and it’s strange to me that he ignores me by not doing anything to stay in contact. On rare events when I do see him off the record he acts very respectful and we have had pleasant times together, sharing, etc.

I want my son to have the best future he can and I know that God placed me here because as a his earthly father I am the only one along with his mother that has his highest best interest in mind, not the state.

I have come to a conclusion, that is, I have a relationship with my Father that I won’t let go. I also have a need to get closure concerning this crime brought against me, and my son. Before I can even think about getting on with the rest of my life, this corrupt custody case of abuse of the public trust has to be resolved.

Thank you for reading my story.
Richard Palo
General post-office
Conneaut, Ohio 44030
216-926-5003 cell

Please Help!

July 28, 2008 in Adoption, DSS, foster care, Kidjacked

An Open Letter To President Bush

Mr. President:

All across our great nation there are millions of grieving parents — they have lost their children and our government, in what was an original effort to help children, is stealing them for money! Unfortunately, this all revolves around the “Improved Adoption Incentives and Relative Guardianship Support Act of 2008” — S.3038. We are asking that S.3038 be allowed to sunset and that the Departments of Social Services across the nation be thoroughly reviewed and reformed. We are the people and we are hurting.

The problem is readily apparent in the title of this act. As this act currently stands it stresses adoption and minimizes helping families in need. Because it is more economically feasible for DSS to adopt (and thus receive federal funding), than it is to maintain a family that is either under severe stress or simply has problems that can be easily remedied with proper interventions. Unfortunately, the act provides little, or substantially less, financial support to the states to help sustain the family.

What is more unfortunate is that most of the families suffering are not affluent or well spoken, exist from paycheck to paycheck, are usually not well educated, and are easily victimized by an All-Powerful Department of Social Services. They are trusting families who understand that Social Services are “there to help” are “honest and caring”, only to find out that frequently they are guilty as soon as DSS knocks on their door and, because they are “guilty”, DSS “needs” to adopt out their child[ren] as soon as possible.

They come from many diverse areas of this country, from the cities, suburbs, and rural areas, but one thing they all have in common is the unfailing love they have for their children. Perfect they are not, but loving, caring parents they are.

There are of course real cases of abuse and some of those require foster care and adoption. However, the American Public Welfare Association (APWA) conducted a special survey of child welfare agencies in 1986 and “actual percentage of ‘founded’ cases was 26 percent.” That means one in four cases actually result in a ‘conviction’ of some sort. Considering that for a ‘founded’ case, the only thing required for a ‘conviction’ is a ‘preponderance of evidence’. Simply put; there is a bruise, someone put it there, it can’t be easily and readily explained as caused by anything else, so it is [substantiated] abuse.”

Even when the child is an actual victim of abuse, according to a study highlighted by the National Coalition for Child Protection Reform, “many children … in foster care would be far better off if they remained with their own families even if those families got only the typical help … commonly offered by child welfare agencies.”

Please, we need you to help us to save our children. We are imploring you to call for and appoint a commission to hear from the people and review the practices of DSS. The impact of the wrongs of the IRS is nothing compared to the impact of a society where legalized kidnapping for money ruins families and children. This was highlighted by Georgia State Senator, Nancy Schaefer, in her address to the Senate on December 5, 2006.

Feel free to peruse Kidjacked.com for some very heartbreaking stories. Child abuse is real, but with the incentives this bill provides, real child abuse will never be prevented. Recent news stories are replete with stories of children dying from the lack of DSS action. Yet, our children are being taken and the funding is unlimited to keep them and adopt them out.

One recent post to kidjacked put it very well.

“In this county [in Arizona] social workers get $10,000 bonus for every adopted child, so instead of reunification, they push adoption, with a 90% adoption rate in the whole court, 100% in our courtroom. Another judge ordered that we could see our children and speak to them as often as we wanted, however the social worker again has threaten to remove the children for [another] reason if we [try] to see them.”

All I am asking is that you help us to help ourselves, please, help us to save our children and the integrity of the family.

C. Hampton,
Manassas, VA

Grieving Mom Seeks Direction

July 6, 2007 in Adoption, grandparents rights, post parental termination

Boys eat too many sweets

Nothing compares to the sorrow a mother feels without her child. Sara grieves the loss of her boys.

My two sons were taken in 1996. The proceedings were conducted like a witch-hunt. I knew at the time if I got hold of the court transcripts (as is my right) that I would have a sure win case. I exhausted all avenues to acquire the transcripts and everyone gave me the run around. I was pushed aside at all turns.

Eventually I gave up and gave in. Pursuing this issue made the pain unbearable. I was too devastated. This occurred in the state of Maine. I found out afterwards that Maine is among the top 3 offenders regarding "stealing" children.

At this time many others were suing Maine for issues similar to mine and winning. Many of the cases were the instances of abuse by caseworkers and foster homes in the local newspapers at this time.

I have felt my loss everyday. Even now it is difficult for me to see your site because I get so sad for my loss the only way I’ve dealt with it is to lock it up and try not to think of my boys. My arms feel empty all the time and I have no closure.

Here is my question for you; is it too late for me to seek any kind of justice? I want to actively do anything I can, (even if it only helps others.)

My sons have been adopted out. My "father" has contact with them and their so-called new "parents." This is all well and good.

Recently, I found a recent picture of my eldest son in my father’s photos. My son looked generally healthy but it was obvious that he has not brushed his teeth in what, years? The white gunk on his teeth breaks my heart yet again. What else is he not being taught?

I am a very bitter person because of my experience. Maybe the information I seek is already here on your website but there is so much of it here and I don’t want to reopen old wounds for nothing. Is it too late for me?

Also, is there anything I can do to further the cause on a national scale? Point me in the right direction please. I’ve never used a forum and am new at this type of communication.

Thank you again and God bless you for your website.

Sara

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