Catch More Flies

January 1, 2013 in CPS, DFS, family court

A determined young lady has written dozens of e-mails over the past couple of weeks – many of them were simply horrendous (sorry girl). This letter was written in response to one of them.

Dear Friend,

I have provided links, advice and legal resources on Kidjacked. My phone and e-mail are being blown up with requests for help and questions galore. I am sorry but I do this in my spare time and frankly I don’t have much of that.

I maintain over 200 websites (both ours and our clients websites) — my husband and I work from home. The only money I make from Kidjacked comes from the ads that are found on each page (and we only get paid when someone actually clicks on an ad – DO NOT click ads to make us money, though, only ever click the ads you’re actually interested in).

Where are all the kids?

Where are all the kids?

I wish that I could do this full-time and be there to walk everyone through the steps they need to take to fight their cases, but the fact is I simply don’t have that kind of time and most people can’t afford to pay me for it. I have never asked anyone for a dime for myself or my family — and we are not wealthy. Heck, we drive a 1999 vehicle that we will drive until the tires fall off.

I will offer you my best advice:

  • When e-mailing your lawyer, your caseworker and others, it is crucial that you avoid threatening them in any way, no matter how badly you want to serve them their head on a platter.
  • Each and every letter or e-mail should be checked for spelling, grammar and content. (Put your best face forward.) This information can and often is presented in court and can be used against you.
  • Grandma always said you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Your letters and telephone calls need to be eloquent, yet firm. There is always a way to get your point across without being crude and insulting. Practice until you get it right!
  • Enlist your friends and relatives to help with your research. Have someone else read your letters before you send them off and edit them if necessary. Censor yourself. Seek the council of others who have fought the system and won their case. Don Lyons fought and was able to get his children returned. He wrote a book about it. Purchase or borrow books like his. [Get the book now: Kids For Money]
  • Form local support groups [Use the box under the calendar to select your state, then scroll to the bottom of the page.]
  • Picket your local court. Hand out pamphlets; they are easy to create. Be sure to include the URL to Kidjacked.com. Spread the word and join with others.
  • Request letters of recommendation from friends, family, professionals (doctors, pastors, co-workers) who know you and your family; present them in court. Make copies for your attorney and caseworkers.
  • Know the laws in your state. Become an expert in CPS guidelines and regulations. File an official complaint when those laws and guidelines are violated. Each State or County has their own regulations they are required to follow. The only way to force an investigation is to file an official complaint. Often the complaint procedure is available online, if not you must request the information directly from CPS — they are required by law to provide it to you.
  • Most county agencies have an “ombudsman” you can contact to assist you. Some are helpful and other are not. It’s worth a shot to try.
  • If you discover CPS agents are not in compliance with the laws in your state (or county), you can contact your congressman. The U.S. House of Representatives is responsible for oversight of the Department of Health and Human Services (DHHS). Visit the website, locate your representative by using the list or search functions on the site. Call their office, ask to speak to the aide who handles DHHS issues. Briefly explain your situation and the violations that have occurred. Do not go into your entire case history.The aide will request you fax or mail your supporting documentation and a release form, which allows the aide to investigate your allegations. Requesting an investigation is often enough to force CPS to clean up their act because they will receive notification that they are under investigation along with the allegations made against them.
  • You’ve heard it said the squeaky wheel gets the grease. It’s true. Be polite and be firm, but don’t stop. If you can turn up the heat on CPS workers, they will often dismiss their case against you out of pure frustration and fear. You must make it more costly to keep your children in custody or harass you than it is for them to send them home and leave you alone. This means keeping on the pressure.

I have spent over an hour writing this e-mail. I will be posting it on “Jacked Up,” the Kidjacked blog in hopes that this information will be helpful to others.

I wish you well in handling your case. Please send me an occasional update (written “ready to post”) and I will be happy to post the information to Kidjacked, in hopes that the information will provide encouragement and details that will assist other parents in gaining the return of their children. None of us can do it all alone but if we each pitch in and do our part, we can make a difference.

This is my small part.

Best wishes!

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1 response to Catch More Flies

  1. I was removed from the home Jan 5, 2010, after trying to hurt myself I was extremely depressed due to monetary and marriage issues; my husband and I were violent with each other especially him to me.

    I dont know who called DHS but i begged my husband to let me get help 3 days before I cut myself. It was not a suicide attempt although DHS is rabid to make it appear that way. I suspect it was the “Christian” neighbor hags and/or Jerry (my husband). DHS and the Oregon City PD came over to tell me that I had to go.

    I had nowhere to go so then I was homeless and lost my family. The worker was dressed very very inappropriately for delivering such traumatic, life-changing, deathly news. She had on a hat, which, I do not care if you are a man or woman I believe it is rude to keep your hat on in such a situation. She had dark blue eyeshadow encompassing her entire eye, complete with black eyeliner and a lot of mascara.

    I dont know. Maybe it’s me but if I ever had to deliver such heartbreaking news like, leave your home, you mentally disabled person, you are a danger to your beloved children, go find somewhere to live get counseling and keep taking your medication, I would dress respectfully as I would expect the woman I was conveying this news to would be in shock, trauma, grief, denial, confusion, anger, sadness–the whole gamut of emotions.

    What I got was cold and heartless. The womens’ crisis line got me a motel voucher and I paid for 2 more nights myself with my SSD until the court date…then I went into shelter. Surprisingly enough, all these “Christian” ladies had all this time and gas money to drive me to Washington, etc, etc….but not a one had a room to rent.

    They had a family in mind already to adopt my two girls, ages 9 and 14. However, they still had to contend with their father Jerry. They succeeded in removing me. Tricia, one of the “lady” neighbors told me she prayed that Jesus would “save the children from Jerry” OK. Jerry is a good dad, not a good husband but I stood up for him to keep custody of the girls no matter how much pressure I got from all sides; even my own lawyer.

    I have once a week supervised visitations as if I were an extreme threat to the babies I love and live for…yes what I did was wrong and I did many wrong things before. However, it seems they do not even notice that I had 4 months of counseling and did find a place to live. I did not fall.

    They noticed that I lost my counselor when my insurance changed from medicaid to medicare. Only the bad. My lawyer actually agreed with me that DHS wanted me to fail so they wouldn’t have to worry about paying for my bus tickets, etc, me in general. I live in Salem now about an hour from Oregon City. It was the only shelter with space available. I have chronic pain and walk about 2 miles to more take 4 buses and a train (they do pay for that thanks to my lawyer getting pissed that they were being so tight).

    I have been unable to eat and digest food properly; have had trouble sleeping, concentrating, I am always sad inside. sometimes I want to die but I wouldn’t do that. It is not the right path. This life is a hard one but I have to do the best I can. I feel alone and scared.

    I need DHS to drive the kids here to see me as my back pain and memory are both worsening and there are people in OR City who are former “friends” I keep mysteriously running into. I have 3 hours to kill before my visit….help? My worker NEVER calls me. Sharon, the CASA (chidrens’ advocate) does….but not Heather. I feel like I am 85 but I am 42. I am not young; I have nerve damage in my back from when Jerry gave me whiplash and migraines from head trauma, loss of memory and symptoms galore I believe it is all from being separated from my girls. I think I am stuffing the pain.

    I no longer communicate to anyone on facebook like I used to; I pray and pray and show love wherever and whenever I am able to do so. I am missing my visit today because of excruciating shoulder pain and a migraine. I begged Heather to let Jamaar(the supervision person) drive the girls down here–I asked, what if the parent is sick? She ignored me I think did not validate my point I know that.

    Court is Oct 12. I had bettter get a new counselor to work on the trauma caused by the separation from my children, along with what I am supposed to be getting counseling for, depression. At least the children are not going to be placed in foster care they are staying with Jerry.

    I see mothers treat their children poorly, neglectfully all the time. Yes I wonder WHY do they have their kids and I am being treated like poison. I am not poison. My kids need their mom. Thank you for reading this; I am suffering horribly in this moment, the next moment I will be better….

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